The Breadcrumb Method of Friendship

Strategic Vulnerability in New Relationships

During our latest episode, I realized I've developed what I call the "breadcrumb method" for new friendships. Instead of my old approach of going deep immediately (and getting burned), I now leave small pieces of myself out there and see if people pick them up.

I know this could be seen as not being genuine, or maybe even being manipulative, but it’s not either of those, it’s about gauging mutual interest. I might mention where I went to school or share something personal about my family, then wait. Do they ask follow-up questions? Do they share something back? The "yes, and" principle from improv applies perfectly here.

This evolved from years of trial and error. My two other methods have been to either overshare immediately (the just be 100% yourself philosophy), or try to be a different version of myself for each person (code switch style). Both strategies failed spectacularly. Now I'm authentically me, just in measured doses, and it's working better than anything else I've tried.

The key insight? Not everyone deserves every part of you right away, but everyone deserves the real you from the start.

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